Dear readers, know that I have felt of your cursings of my name. My mom once told me that no matter what happened to me I always came out smelling like roses. Every time things look bad they end up totally the opposite. Case in point Henry. I was huge while pregnant, and was told many times that I was all baby. However in the end he was small and everything went fast and pretty well painless. Now this is where you come in. You read my funny blog posts, you curse me and my birth story, you cry out in the night "why, why her? why does she have it so perfect?". You see me out looking back to my pre-pregnancy self and think I have it pretty good.
However things are not all "farting sunshine and rainbows" as I once put it. Your revenge has been served and believe me it is not pretty.
I had a small tear when I had Henry and I never knew what all was happening "down there" because I figured if I looked it would look like a cooked pizza thrown on the floor all messy and such. I didn't need to see that. So after a few weeks and several good washings (in case it was all pizza like) I looked. I seen a sore. Yep nothing shocking there. However I was 6 weeks postpartum and still in pain, so I had the midwife do an exam. You know things are going down hill when, after giving you a mirror so you can point out the sore spot, she says "oh my, you don't need to show me, I can definitely see where you are sore". I have a granuloma. Apparently some women get these after childbirth. In case you aren't one of those few it looks like an open sore but feels like a good hard crusty callus. What it FEELS like is an inability to sit or pee or do anything that involves the slightest touch. Pain thy name is granuloma.
At this point my Mom asks "so how long did the midwife say till it clears up?". Haha revenge has a sense of humor The answer is never on its own. I can look forward to years of pain if not taken care of. Ok so get it taken care of, done called the doctor for an exam and hopefully we can do something about this. Want to know what that something is? They freeze the area, ah yes nothing like 2 needles to your delicate flower. Oh but wait there is more! Then they cut or burn it off. Oh what joys I shall think that to be! Then it will be silvered to cauterize the area. I can only imagine the pure joy and happy feelings I will have after that.
Know that I now feel your smiles and hear your joyous sounds as you thank whom ever you called upon to curse me while saying "ah ha ha so it isn't so great in her world!"
*I sent this to Kyle before posting, his comment was "even with that you are still farting rainbows".
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