JPotty My Baby Sister

So I blog a lot about my baby sister since she and I are like inseparable. Every story worth telling has happened when we are together. I will admit when we were young we fought all the time, we were mean to each other, but we were meaner to common enemies. It was a dangerous combination of Barton genes, imagination, and pure hatred of a common enemy that made us perfect! The one thing that I love about us is our imagination, nothing was ever too far to imagine for us. When we were young we would put my suitcase in my closet and pretend it was a car or plane that would take us ANYWHERE! We would dress up, in our older cousins beavers uniforms, and off we would go. Where exactly? Usually Florida, commonly known as the bathroom. We were even smart enough to pack our lunch pails as suitcases for an extended stay in Florida. We were so happy and simple. But then there was the dark side. Once again common enemies, for instance Mamaz cousin Sandy. For no real good reason we didn't like her. I don't really know why we picked her, I mean she was really nice to us and even stayed with me while Mamaz was in the hospital having JPotty. But whatever was in our minds at the time was very powerful. How bad did it get? We once took an entire pack of red licorice and chewed it all up and spit it in her suitcase before she left to go home. She wouldn't have found that till she got home and by then it would have been too late to even think about washing that stain out. But we did worse things once we had some money and found the gag store at the mall. We would buy fart spray and stink bombs and use them on our enemies. Our best to date working in of a new person? And let me warn you NO ONE is safe from our teasing. KBot. KBot was our best tease yet. When I first started dating him JPotty and I decided to see how he could handle us, so I signed onto my MSN and JPotty and I had some fun. We pretended to be JPotty and told KBot that I (meaning JPotty) was secretly in love with him. He didn't buy it at first because JPotty was so mean to him and hated him (after all he stole her partner in crime) but after half an hour KBot was convinced and that's when we let him have it that it was really both of us having some fun with him. He wasn't too happy that we ganged up on him, though we still laugh about it now.

JPotty is awesome, everyone should have a sister like her. We are 1 year and 5 months apart, so when Mamaz would sign us up for things (IE gymnastics) we would be in the same group (we never listened to the teacher and did our own thing) we always had a friend because we were so close in age. Now we have KBot who chooses not to do what we do, he thinks we are evil. But the 3 of us are best friends now. The hard part will be having JPotty find a guy that will fit in our group just perfect. KBot said he isn't going to let us pick on the "new guy" (though JPotty hasn't found him yet) but I think he will have some fun watching it from the outside, plus the added bonus of we won't be bothering him for a while when someone new joins us!

Yoda and the Tub Ticklers

So I finally tracked down the old story JPotty, Baby Cousin and I wrote on a boring day at Grandmas house.

Once upon a hairy night Yoda arose from a dung heap. Behind Yoda arose four big bubbles that suddenly popped and Yoda had to scramble to land to get away from the smell. Suddenly his bum was stuck to something he could hardly move to get away from that awful smell. Yoda pulled hard and ripped his hairy little cheeks right off. Yoda yelled a deafening yell that his friend Stinky Pete heard and came to see what doins were a transpiring. When his friend Stinky Pete came over to see what the matter was Yoda screamed for big bubbles came up and he was trying to get away from the smell. Then the two hid in a bathtub, as so the power orbs would not get them. Yoda had forgotten that when he was in the mud he had caught a fart under some mud and these must have been bubbles from the hidden fart. When they were in the tub Yoda farted. It rang off the bottom like a telephone. In the bottom of the tub there was a piece of bubble gum and when Yoda farted it blew a bubble and got stuck to where his hairy cheeks were. That would've been a mess. If his hair would've been there Yoda and Stinky Pete would have spent the whole afternoon picking out the bubble gum from his bum hair.

The End.

The original computer print out of the story. We had written it in pencil in the form of write a line fold the paper and pass it on, but I lost that copy many moons ago

Odd Ramblings and A Lesson Learned at What Price?

So when bedtime comes around I often time let my mind go as I am about to fall asleep and that's when it happens. Something small will creep in there and bother me. An example? It has happened twice this week, the first time I was almost asleep when I looked at the closet and realized that I couldn't find my black dress pants (not that the closet was open or that I was looking for them, they were just lost in my mind). I was in a panic and couldn't sleep, I called JPotty first thing the next day to see if I left them at Mamaz praying the whole time that they weren't something I tossed while going through my stuff. JPotty said they weren't there, however upon thinking about it I found them where I had left them, the box under the bed with all the winter clothes in it. Last night it was a book I got for my birthday from Mamaz, Who Flung Dung (really funny I think everyone with kids should buy it). Anyways I was in tears upset that I couldn't find it, once again without looking for it as it had just popped into my mind as something my mind couldn't place in any certain place. I was so upset, I couldn't believe I lost it, KBot was trying to comfort me but to no avail, until of course he said "Are you even sure you got a copy of that book? I thought Mamaz gave it to Kaleigh-kins?". I stopped crying at once upon realizing that I didn't own a copy, and fell asleep at once. Well this morning low and behold it is on the book shelf with the rest of my kids books, just where it should be.

So as for lesson learned at what price? JPotty called me to tell me Mamaz got a text from Oscar (a man at the trailer) saying there had been a boating accident (more on that here) and that the son of the woman who owns the park had been injured. JPotty and I got a good laugh at idiots and said how we had seen this coming all year (the year started in May for those who don't know when trailers open). So Mamaz called today so say that the doctors aren't sure they can save the arm, my reaction? Well serves him right, maybe he will learn his lesson now it is an important one. And what was the price of that lesson? Exactly 1 arm!

See aren't you happy you stayed to read to the end? Now I just wish that my travel plans hadn't changed, I bet the park in a buzz with stories and laughs.

Grade 12 English

Ok so in Grade 12 English class there were some stinker marks (I only know because the teacher posted the marks sans names on the wall for us to see, also note that I had a 90% so I wasn't in that stinker mark zone). Anyways she also posted beside it ways to raise our marks, extra credit assignments, plus an essay that was a manditory extra credit project so that some of the stinker grade students could possibly pass. So the topic? "What would you change in the world if you could change 3 things". The following is the essay I handed in.


The question “What would I change in the world if I could change three things” is a very difficult one to answer. I believe that the world is the way it is for a reason, and if I didn’t have to choose I would not change anything. But I do, so I thought about it in a sensible fashion. Most would answer that they would make themselves rich or better mankind some how, but these are irrational thoughts of those with no imagination. So I decided to have some fun and not better myself or society. Three things I would choose to change are; all c’s will now be k’s, all chairs will be aqua marine, and peanut butter would be its own food group.

The usage of the letter c would be stricken because the letter k is a much better letter. If the letter c was replaced with the letter k spelling would become much more interesting. The only instances that c’s will still be used are in Biblical references and any Holy material, including holidays such as Christmas. The second thing I would change is that all chairs will be made to be aqua marine, because all chairs should conform to a mindless standardized way of life. If there be any chairs of any other colour they will be considered evil and will be burned for treason and failure to conform to society. The last thing I would change if I could change anything would be to have peanut butter become its own food group. Peanut butter is overlooked by too many people as being just something that goes on bread with jelly or jam. Peanut butter is the little guy and I like looking out for the little guy. In its new food group glory peanut butter shall become its own entity; it would become an all-powerful food that would take the world by force.

In conclusion the world is fine the way it is and should not be changed for fear of falling into a deep pit of turmoil. As is proof by the entirety of this essay there was a lot of thought put into what I would change but there is no real sense in changing c’s to k’s, making all chairs aqua marine, and peanut butter becoming it’s own food group.


So great hu? Yeah I know, I would have had to be crazy to hand that crap in to an English teacher, but I did indeed hand that in for marking. It paid off too, 120%, got those extra marks for creativity! Thank you cleverness, it sure is working out for me.

Why Do I Go Home So Often

Kyle and I have been asked several times by our friends why we would be driving back and forth to Niagara so often, and asked by family why we only stay with my parents when we do go home. Well my friends I took some pictures to show you.First point, big screen TV with surround and digital cable. I mean what more can I say, Dad knows how to make a basement rock! Once the lights are turned out it is like your own personal movie theater where you can eat a meal (we always eat meals as a family in front of the TV watching movies), drink a beer (now there is something you can't do at a regular theater, though it may be coming to a theater near you soon), pause for bathroom breaks and to get more food, but most importantly you can lay down on a couch (I am not one for the seats in a theater). How can you beat that????? Well my friends I am glad you asked........Bikkity Bam! Large movie selection. What? You didn't think we would rent movies did you???? You have a sweet set up and no movies of your own?? Silly! Add to that collection the several hundred movies that Kyle and I own and you have yourself a good weekend every weekend! Though when we run out of "I want to see this" movies, us kids have gotten permission from Mamaz to order pay per view movies. The all time best is going to the free movies section on Cogeco digital cable and finding some sort of stinker to watch, we tried out Don't Turn Out The Light, man that was terrible but the stuff good jokes are made of.

So next time you are sitting at home on the weekend wondering just where that KBot and LDot have gotten to and why they always seem to be in Niagara you just remember the awesomeness that is my family basement!

Product Placement

So infomercials we have all seen them. At some point in your life you have probably given in to watching TV all night for some reason or another and since there is nothing else on in the wee hours of the morning you have watched something that you may "need" for only 19.99 plus shipping! I have plenty of times. I have often wondered about the validity of what these people are saying, though I do trust Billy Mayes he is awesome. So I wanted to share with you a couple of the products that I have purchased through infomercials.First is the Pedi Paws with *free bonus Shed Ender tool*. We have all seen this and really wondered about it working as we are tired of trying and failing to cut our pets nails. I have never gotten it quite right, as you know I have a cat Sugar, and you may not know that I chose to not declaw her (that is an issue for another post). I am always afraid of cutting her quick and her bleeding all over non stop. Mamaz was cutting our old family dog Browning's nails and did just that. So now that we have 1 cat who is not declawed, 1 cat that is but still needs her back claws cut, and a new puppy with ever so sharp claws a pedi paws was something we looked at. Mamaz bought this back in January. I have used it on Gunner when he was a puppy and smaller than me, and I have also used it on Sugar. It works. You must have a calm pet though, Onyx hasn't gotten a turn with the pedi paws as she would probably kill if it came near her (she growls when her nails are cut with a simple trimmer). Now what about this bonus Shed Ender. Well let me show you.As you can see it works. It gets all that winter coat out and leaves a little to clean up but better than all over my clothes! Once again you want a tame and calm pet for this. Sugar is ok with this, though quickly looses patience with me and is done after a couple minutes.

Next, now I must say I didn't purchase it but got 4 free samples through my craftiness, every ones favorite the Sham WOW! This product is great! Works perfect, everyone should get one. I never seen a need for it so I put the samples away and never thought of it, until we had a bit of a flood. These things worked so well, we got rid of most of the water so quickly, I say most because it was night time and we didn't have the energy to clean everything up. But we did use it on spilled pop and it worked once again. We witnessed the commercial first hand in a demonstration booth twice, no magic there. This just works.

The Future of Blogging

I will not be discouraged by you people....you know who you are, non-comment leavers. Hahahahaha. Anyways I tried out sharing a story that I wrote on here, though I did get a bit discouraged with no comments (except you Michelle), it was the first time I really shared a story I wrote with people (people other than Kyle, who has read some of my stories only because I left them laying around). I kinda liked putting myself out there. So I will be back with stories. I currently have a couple running around with my gerbils up in my old noodle, but nothing has come out yet. I shall see if in my cleaning I come across some of my old work, I would love to post a certain story I wrote FOREVER ago with JPotty and Baby Cousin. No worries to those of you that stop by for my rants on various subjects, I will always find something to complain about on here so don't leave thinking I am changing everything.

I was called as a teacher teaching CTR 5 in primary so we will see if maybe being around some kids again will jog the old creative side and maybe I shall even treat to some of my poems????? Who knows

Also as of July 18 I am back at markets, so look out for posts about fruit and how much I hate people (mainly customers). I feel the need to watch Clerks a lot before going back to markets, something about that movie speaks to me this time of year (this job would be great if it weren't for all the customers).

For now I am off to clean before Mother Nature remembers that it is July and makes it hot, and before I loose all my energy to markets. Read my story *previous post* and get a good laugh. I was thinking maybe you aren't reading it because it has no pictures, should I dig up an old pic of Dad and a gutted deer to accent the story????? Who knows?

Rudolph The REAL Story

Hey so I was thinking about it and here is how I think it happened. Santa is like a normal guy and his sleigh is no more than a glorified car. His sleigh has reindeer instead of tires, and just like tires he has to replace them every so often. It is all making sense so far right? OK so unlike tires when a reindeer is starting to go Santa just kills it and has Mrs. Claus make a great arrangement of food (stew, steak that kind of thing). So while the Mrs. is in the kitchen doing her thing Santa has to go down to the reindeer store to get a new reindeer. Except OH NO there is a recession and he can't really afford to go to his normal place, so he thinks fast and goes down to Crazy Bob's Discount Reindeer Emporium to find himself a deal and haggle it down a bit more to perfection. That's where he spots him, a beautiful strong bold male, perfect for sleigh pulling the ad says, and best yet he is on discount *today only! So Santa goes into the office to talk to Crazy Bob and see if he can get a better deal on this "Rudolph" model. Crazy Bob seems a little over joyed at the prospect of Santa actually purchasing this model, Santa is suspicious but thinks "Hey great deal, can't pass this up!". So Crazy Bob accepts the offer of 15% off sticker price and Santa walks away happy at his great find. Returning home Santa now regales his amazing find to Mrs. Claus over the most delicious Blitzen stew she has made since Blitzen 21 was slaughtered. Mrs. Claus being the smart woman she is lets Santa finish before she starts in on how it sounds fishy and she thinks he should have taken the "Rudolph" model for a test drive, or at least researched this brand. He gets angry in his man type way and storms off to the garage to put his new reindeer on the sleigh. As he walks to the garage he mumbles out loud how "you don't need to research these German models, the Germans are known for their high quality reindeer, what do women know anyways". Attachment was easy, a breeze. "Rudolph" fits perfectly he thinks to himself, shows what women know about these types of things he says out loud as he hops in the sleigh. He shouts and the reindeer take off, it is a perfect flight, not a problem. Santa now feeling extra full of himself goes back inside to let his wife have it for speaking that way of his clear and evident genius. After a great sleep, the best one in years. Santa goes back to his garage the next morning only to see something slightly off about this new "Rudolph" model. The nose just doesn't look right. So Santa being the proud man he is of his vehicle takes the buffer to the whole thing. Now everything is going great, the sleigh looks beautiful, the reindeer are now perfectly groomed and sparkling, that is everything was great till he gets to the "Rudolph" model. As he begins to buff, the odd looking nose flies off revealing a bright red terribly tacky nose. Santa cannot believe his eyes; blast it all, he says as he unhooks the reindeer from his sleigh, that Crazy Bob has screwed me! Santa then sneaks off with "Rudolph" as to not alert his wife to the fact he had been had, and gets to Crazy Bobs where Bob precedes to tell him that he signed the contract and it states no returns or refunds ever. Well that Bob is getting coal this year Santa mumbles on his way back home. When he gets there Mrs. Claus is standing out in front of the garage. She is looking quite smug, seems one of those pesky elves has told on Santa. She doesn't rub it in that she was right but merely points out that it isn't all bad, "Rudolph" could be used as a spare that's all. Santa isn't happy about this whole thing but he has no choice so he tucks "Rudolph" away in the back of the sleigh as the spare. Now never before has there been fog on Christmas Eve, but with this global warming thing no one can ever accurately predict the weather and so this Christmas eve it was foggy. Santa all angry at the stupid weather man screwing him up once again sits in his deer skin lazy boy recliner content not to have a Christmas this year. However wise old Mrs. Claus remembers that "Rudolph" has that bright red nose, "perfect for getting through the fog" she tells Santa. Santa, upon hearing this, flies out of the lazy boy crying "I knew it, I knew it all along. I bought him for this purpose you know. Never can be too prepared you know. I am the wisest man there is, preparing for fog. No one can ever dupe Santa!" Mrs. Claus rolls her eyes and gets back to making that new deer skin purse for one of the female elves.

And THAT'S how it really happened.

Oh yeah and I totally thought of this myself!