Moms are always talking about episiotomies and how much they suck but you just never know right? You can imagine, but never really know till YOU KNOW. Well I didn't know. When I had Henry I only slightly tore and it didn't require stitches, so I never understood that part of birth stories. However I am one who never wants to feel left out so at just about 7 months post partum I went ahead and had one done.
Before I go on, yes I am crazy, yes I did choose to have this done, and yes you are all right they do suck!
So after my doctor ruptured my granuloma, I healed funny. And funny is not the word Kyle would use, he would say something like inconvenient anomaly. See what happened was that the granuloma, now open skin attached itself to the other side, picture a ziploc bag. Essentially I could pee and that was all that was going on down there from 8 weeks postpartum, which we all know is that joyful time every new father looks forward to! I assume you can all do math and therefore pity poor Kyle, who did not answer abstinence when asked about post baby birth control.
So at just shy of 7 month postpartum I seen a specialist (I waited that long because the family doctor said it wasn't urgent and encouraged "just stretching it out"....uh yeah right). He explained what was going to happen, pretty much an episiotomy and then restructuring and sewing open instead of closed (Mamaz called it the first man made vag in the family!).
I went in and all went well. I woke up in recovery and a nurse said that I would be able to go home in about an hour. Apparently my funny bone was not damaged at all in this process because my response was "I have a 6 month old who is teething something fierce at home right now, I am good to just stay here and sleep". On the way out a volunteer wheeled me to my car, she said we would go nice and slow so I didn't get sick, I turned to her and said "Aw man, you mean we won't go over any sweet jumps?". They must have mistook me for someone who is strong and able to handle things as all I got was a prescription for anti-inflammatories (and only enough to last 5 days).
My take on the whole episiotomy thing? They suck, but at least 99% of the time you are holding a new baby in your arms. Unfortunately I was not able to procure one, and therefore had to get by with a 22lbs teething 6 month old who is not a fan of weaning because Mommy tainted her milk with anesthetic (that was the worst 24 hours ever!). I think the worst is the fact that it happened during my allergy season. Nothing worse than a surprise sneeze when you have stitches holding you together!
As for the pain? Well the day of the surgery I did have 4 Tylenol. That was it. Nothing more after that then the prescription and good old fashioned literary memory. This time it was Fight Club, chapter 7 when Tyler gives a lye kiss. "Come back to the pain...Don't shut this out...This is the greatest moment of your life and you are off somewhere missing it...This means something.".
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