Friends

So I read an article from O magazine on friendship, and no I don't read that magazine the article was on cnn.com and I thought I would read it. This lady had moved to a new city far away from her previous home and had been living there for some time and began thinking that she needed some friends to hang out with, so she began her search. I really felt for this lady, I moved to Kitchener 3 and a half years ago and at first I had every intention of going home all the time and still being part of my old friends lives. But apparently I moved on and we could not be friends anymore, or at least that's how I see it as NONE of them talk to me anymore. So that only lasted so long, now Kitchener is home and I love being here, when I am in Niagara I long to be back here, HOME. So after being here this long I want friends here, girls to get together with and be able to chat with.

I have never been good at making friends, I had a sister that is pretty much the same age and Mamaz babysat 2 girls that were also pretty close to my age so I never needed to make friends as I had 3 built in friends. In elementary school it was easy, I went to a small school and knew everyone, childhood was easy. Middle school and high school were harder, seems I didn't have any friends, but J-Potty soon joined me in high school so I was able to rely on her to be my friend once again. However J-Potty cannot follow me every where, so I am here making new friends. Which I don't feel is going very well.

Sure on facebook I have a long list of friends, but most of those are family members or people I just know through meeting once or twice. So I decided to go out more when I am invited to things. I am invited so it seems someone wants my company, so that's a friend right? I have no clue. I feel so on the outside of things all the time. I go, and I have fun, but most of the time I just feel like I don't fit. I fit age wise and that's something, or at least I pretend I fit age wise, turns out I am very young, but age isn't so much an issue. I find that I never have anything to talk about in a group of women who all have kids. So I feel pretty alone in a group with that. But then there are the other things that get talked about that make me feel even that much more on the outside. Pets. Seems not only am I the youngest and the only one without a kid but I am also the only one with a pet. I get points of view, I do. I get that people love their kids, and I love kids, I assume I will have some someday. I get people don't like animals, that's cool nothing says you need to. But then sometimes it gets taken too far and I am left thinking "why did I bother coming? I could be at home where I wouldn't be hurt by any one's words".

But then maybe it is me, maybe I am more sensitive than I think or want to lead on. Maybe I haven't ever had friends and I don't know how this whole thing works. Maybe I should speak up when things aren't going well.

I will admit most of the time I feel included, I mean the invite is the first step, and someone usually talks to me while I am out and I usually am happy and the night is fun. But then some nights I find it not at all "cricket".