Marriage Inc. An Email to a Husband

So here is a copy of an actual email I sent K-Bot:


Dear Kyle,

I was thinking about marriage last night, and here is what I came up with. Marriage is like a business merger. When first proposed no one knows how it is going to work, and the change has everyone voting no. Then there are months of finely executed deliberations and compromises. The newly merged company must then find a new location that not only suits the needs of its workers but also allows for growth and development, and is still close to suppliers. Once the companies merge and move into the new location there is that awkward "hey" as workers pass in the halls, pretty much strangers. But after a few business meetings and after hours drinks employees soon find themselves great friends and quickly forget what it was like before the merger when they didn't have these friends in their lives. After a couple years the company is able to asses the outlook of the company and this can go one of three ways.

First, the company can see the merger was a mistake and they are going to need to declare bankruptcy. This being said the assets are divided and everyone walks away, saddened that this was not a fruitful venture and later having to settle for a different placement sometimes even in far away places that require either a commute or a total move of ones life.

Second, much like the first the company can go bankrupt. However this time the employees have so much faith that they are able to liquidate all assets and go without pay and work harder than they ever have before to make the new company work. Sometimes this pays off, other times it makes the employees more resentful. You never can tell with employees is what I always say.

Third, business projections are good. They show steady growth throughout the coming years, though as any economist would point out there will be low points but rebound is always attainable. So the company now decides that it needs to grow some more and move into a nicer building and starts to acquire other small companies to outsource some work to. But you know, just the work that none of the now valued employees who have been there working hard since the beginning want to do.

After many a successful year, the company then closes its doors for good, proud of the success they had and the jobs they did. But they don't just leave everything empty, by now they have acquired many a small companies that will in time grow and merge with other companies and continue the legacy started with just two small companies.

Kindest regards, your co-ceo,

Laura D. Barton-Eady