So I received this forward at the beginning of June. I am not one to forward on stupid junk, but I thought that Mamaz, JPotty, and KBot would get a kick out of it so I sent it along.
Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down, finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Soon after KBot emailed me back saying all of it was true, especially the not being a mind reader part and just asking for what we want. This lead to a long email conversation with him saying that women should be upfront about something and say what it is they want. I was very quick to point out that sometimes women do and it is quickly pointed out that they have many similar traits to a female dog (I have never really understood that whole swear at all, I mean how is a female dog like a mean woman?). KBot said he understood but that asking for what you want and being upfront didn’t mean you would always get what you want so you would therefore have nothing in common with a female dog. So we agreed to experiment with how he would react if I was forward with him all the time and told him exactly what I would like of him.
I wish I would have started this as soon as we got married, but I was still in that whole mind set of “if I am too stern or forward he will not like me and therefore leave me” so I would hint and hint and if I was upset I would cover it up and always did what he wanted to do. That has lead to many regrets, like just after we got married I seen Muppets underwear at Walmart and brought him over and picked them up and said it would make a great birthday or Christmas gift, he agreed and we went our separate ways to shop for each other. I was SURE that I was going to get them, but I was very sad to see I didn’t get them Christmas morning. Now instead of saying something or just buying them myself I did nothing, assuming that maybe I didn’t deserve them. Recently I asked KBot about it, he said he had no idea that I had wanted them. So we went to every Walmart we passed by and they no longer sell Muppets underwear. I missed out on something I wanted because I was not being honest with my husband.
So as for how the experiment is going, well it isn’t an experiment anymore. It was really nice just being completely honest and saying what I want and not having to feel bad. I rarely fight with him anymore because there are no hidden sad feelings. And since I started being forward KBot appreciates it so much I usually get what I want, and for the things I don’t get I don’t feel as much need for them afterwards.
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