Browning

So Mamaz informed me yesterday, no wait Wednesday, that it had been a year since we put our family dog, Browning, down. I didn't even remember the date, I didn't ever have the heart to put it on my calendar as who would want to remember something as terrible as killing your best friend. To me that's what it was, I was merciless and even though the vet told me it was for the best and it was his time and everything they say to rationalize (Sis Sorely always says "rational" "lies") the putting down of your pet, looking into Browning's eyes I knew I was killing my best friend. He was sad and scared and fought the needle and the vet, but in the end he quietly slipped away. There were weeks of sleepless crying nights, I was guilt ridden. How could I face anyone, Heavenly Father, Jesus even, knowing that I killed my dog. Kyle told me it was ok that at some point in time I would see that it was ok and that Browning still loved me and was just waiting for me on the other side (though I did read that we apparently don't get our animals back as they belong to Heavenly Father, he can expect a fight from me about that one, I want ALL of my animals back.....on second thought he can keep Bridget the love bird). I struggled and lost a lot, especially perspective and faith. It was hard. I was 21. I had NEVER lost someone before. I was an adult dealing with death for the first time (people please buy pets for your kids and teach them about death it is harder as an adult). I couldn't seem to get to that place I was normally in about death, knowing it wasn't forever and that the person was happy and waiting for me on the other side. *this is turning into a long and probably for all you out there boring post* Anyways I had my surgery back in March and I had to be put under, it was so peaceful after the whole being stuck by a needle. I felt good, relaxed, and above all happy. I wanted to grab the Dr that gave me the needle and ask if that is what Browning's last feelings were but I slipped gently and happily asleep. When I woke up I remembered that and all of a sudden gained that little perspective that I needed. He was scared just like me of the needle, but once he got it he was happy, peaceful. He is now in a better place, he is doing everything he could no longer do here, though I am sure he misses his family and his PusPus very much, but that will just mean he will be happier once we are there.