To My Mamaz on Mother's Day

Dear Mamaz, it is once again mother’s day and I am once again forced to think of how thankful I am that you procreated with my father.

Well it was ott year and many a moon ago that you either were having a really good night and let slip your birth control regime or, and a lot less likely, you chose to procreate. None the less you got knocked up, way to be Mamaz, you have shamed your family. I also find myself thankful this time of year, that you didn’t take the very logical choice after taking a good hard look at your husband, my father, and abort my fetus butt. Great choice, it is working out very well for me. I feel if you would have taken that step you would have robbed the world of the pleasure of my existence.

I am sure you had plenty of chances to kill me, and many a good reason for such a heinous act, but for some crazy reason I was spared and that was awfully nice as well.

For this and the many important life lessons you have taught me, such as making poop on the toilet (which I practiced again tonight, see I DO practice something), and for coming in with a glass of water when I called because of nightmares (I didn’t even complain that it was always warm and I don’t like warm water, thus proving I am the best daughter ever) I am thankful. I know you didn’t choose me but I guess you took one look and said “When God hands you a lemon, you should make some lemonade” (though I would have preferred you making a lemon meringue pie).

From the daughter you didn’t kill/mame/choose, to my Mamaz who makes the best of everything, and allows me to just be me. I love you.
* As a disclaimer Mamaz probably didn't ever want to kill me but I was the first child and we all know that is the experiment child. I suppose she got a passing grade on this science experiment as she got a real baby, my baby sister J-Potty.

Hank's Retirement

When I was young, the first song I sung was "There's a Tear in My Beer", a classic duet between Hank Williams Sr & Jr. I loved that song, so much so that the tape that contained it was the only thing I would listen to in the car. We went to Marathon and back (13 hours each way) and that was the only tape I would allow to play. When I was 3 my Aunt Debbie bought me a Hank Williams Jr shirt. It was perfect. The Phoenix on the front that read Hank, and on the back, you guessed it, Hank Sr & Jr with "There's a Tear in My Beer" scrawled across. It was my favorite shirt, of course at the time it was a night shirt as it was an adult size small. Seems they don't make country shirts for kids back then, especially if they had beer written on them. I eventually grew into it and it was always a part of my wardrobe. My in-laws learned of my song after we got married, and I would wear my shirt and they would laugh. However it has been 20 years....and even the best of shirts are not to last that long. My mother in law noticed that it was starting to be a little see through (though I always wore a long sleeve shirt under it) and had MANY holes in it. She suggested that I get it framed, "so as to make it last longer". Longer than 20 years? I refused, I said it had a lot of life left in it. However after MUCH thought I decided it was time to hang up the old shirt and maybe get myself a new one. So I hunted down a frame, which I got 80% off at Michaels, and retired my Hank. A sad day, but a happy one. Now the shirt I have loved for 20 years will have a proud new spot on the wall for 20 more years of love. In case you are wondering about the tape, it still works. I listened to it everyday on the way to and from college, K-Bot learned to love it. I kept it in my car up until I retired the shirt and thought it only fitting they retire together. It is now sitting on my desk, beside another treasured possession my Geri Spice Girl doll, while I decide exactly what to do with it.

So far the hunt for the new concert shirt is unsuccessful. I am currently getting by on my Hanson shirt, sad so sad. I really need to go to a decent concert!

Now to see what K-Bot will allow me to do with the other several shirts I have had since I was a young kid. These include: yellow downtown Shining Tree, Caps Hunting and Fishing Store Field Staff, and a white Bancroft shirt with a big beaver on the front.

My Sister the Chef

So I have had the great fortune in the past few weeks to spend some time with my sister. Mamaz is always SO happy to see us come home, then we are there and she is SO happy we leave. So I am sure some of you are looking at the title and saying, "But you said she is a student/nurse". And to that I say yes she is, but this isn't about her time at the hospital, this is about when she comes home and cooks.

So she was home for reading week, and brought her boyfriend to meet the family (mainly Fajaz as the rest of us had spent time with him the weekend we spent in Belleville). Mamaz and I had some stuff we were busy with and J-Potty really wanted a cake for after dinner the one night so we let her be in charge of that, please note she is 21. We figured she would do it and there wouldn't be a problem. Well half an hour later we had half a cake and half a black smoking cake like thing. We couldn't believe it, well maybe it was just the distraction of a boyfriend!

So we are home again another weekend, this time no boyfriend and K-Bot joined in. We are starved for dinner because we were waiting for Fajaz to come home to eat, however Mamaz, after MUCH complaining, said to just go ahead and eat without him. So we decided on pizza, Mamaz had bought a bunch of frozen pizzas. So J-Potty decided she will cook it, we all agree. A while later she calls us up for the first pizza, already out and cut on a board. I was a little suspicious but was too hungry to ask questions. Well the bottom was burnt. Nice. Again. So I decided that she needed to hear me complain and quickly said she wouldn't let that happen to the second pizza. So she goes to get it out of the oven, she prefers not to use a tray apparently. She is now trying to get a pizza out of the oven on a carving fork. I tell her it won't work, she says it is how she got the first out. Ok fine I will watch. I watched. And it failed. I watched the pizza break in half and one half stay on the grills and the other fall into a mess at the bottom of the oven. J-Potty, K-Bot, and I say a big "OH NO", and Mamaz calls from the other room "What happened?". And being as we are all children and it is apparently the thing to say, we all reply in unison "Nothing!". So before Mamaz could come see what had happened, J-Potty scooped up the pizza and put it out on the cutting board. Mamaz still knew though, because the oven was hot so we couldn't wash it and the pizza had landed on the crack so some of the toppings ended up in the drawer.

J-Potty is no longer cooking unsupervised.

LDS Traveling Bookstore

So with my Cardston Bookshop flyer I got this coupon. It says to share with friends so I am. There is also a list of places they are visiting at the top. You are all SO WELCOME!

Friends

So I read an article from O magazine on friendship, and no I don't read that magazine the article was on cnn.com and I thought I would read it. This lady had moved to a new city far away from her previous home and had been living there for some time and began thinking that she needed some friends to hang out with, so she began her search. I really felt for this lady, I moved to Kitchener 3 and a half years ago and at first I had every intention of going home all the time and still being part of my old friends lives. But apparently I moved on and we could not be friends anymore, or at least that's how I see it as NONE of them talk to me anymore. So that only lasted so long, now Kitchener is home and I love being here, when I am in Niagara I long to be back here, HOME. So after being here this long I want friends here, girls to get together with and be able to chat with.

I have never been good at making friends, I had a sister that is pretty much the same age and Mamaz babysat 2 girls that were also pretty close to my age so I never needed to make friends as I had 3 built in friends. In elementary school it was easy, I went to a small school and knew everyone, childhood was easy. Middle school and high school were harder, seems I didn't have any friends, but J-Potty soon joined me in high school so I was able to rely on her to be my friend once again. However J-Potty cannot follow me every where, so I am here making new friends. Which I don't feel is going very well.

Sure on facebook I have a long list of friends, but most of those are family members or people I just know through meeting once or twice. So I decided to go out more when I am invited to things. I am invited so it seems someone wants my company, so that's a friend right? I have no clue. I feel so on the outside of things all the time. I go, and I have fun, but most of the time I just feel like I don't fit. I fit age wise and that's something, or at least I pretend I fit age wise, turns out I am very young, but age isn't so much an issue. I find that I never have anything to talk about in a group of women who all have kids. So I feel pretty alone in a group with that. But then there are the other things that get talked about that make me feel even that much more on the outside. Pets. Seems not only am I the youngest and the only one without a kid but I am also the only one with a pet. I get points of view, I do. I get that people love their kids, and I love kids, I assume I will have some someday. I get people don't like animals, that's cool nothing says you need to. But then sometimes it gets taken too far and I am left thinking "why did I bother coming? I could be at home where I wouldn't be hurt by any one's words".

But then maybe it is me, maybe I am more sensitive than I think or want to lead on. Maybe I haven't ever had friends and I don't know how this whole thing works. Maybe I should speak up when things aren't going well.

I will admit most of the time I feel included, I mean the invite is the first step, and someone usually talks to me while I am out and I usually am happy and the night is fun. But then some nights I find it not at all "cricket".

Marriage Inc. An Email to a Husband

So here is a copy of an actual email I sent K-Bot:


Dear Kyle,

I was thinking about marriage last night, and here is what I came up with. Marriage is like a business merger. When first proposed no one knows how it is going to work, and the change has everyone voting no. Then there are months of finely executed deliberations and compromises. The newly merged company must then find a new location that not only suits the needs of its workers but also allows for growth and development, and is still close to suppliers. Once the companies merge and move into the new location there is that awkward "hey" as workers pass in the halls, pretty much strangers. But after a few business meetings and after hours drinks employees soon find themselves great friends and quickly forget what it was like before the merger when they didn't have these friends in their lives. After a couple years the company is able to asses the outlook of the company and this can go one of three ways.

First, the company can see the merger was a mistake and they are going to need to declare bankruptcy. This being said the assets are divided and everyone walks away, saddened that this was not a fruitful venture and later having to settle for a different placement sometimes even in far away places that require either a commute or a total move of ones life.

Second, much like the first the company can go bankrupt. However this time the employees have so much faith that they are able to liquidate all assets and go without pay and work harder than they ever have before to make the new company work. Sometimes this pays off, other times it makes the employees more resentful. You never can tell with employees is what I always say.

Third, business projections are good. They show steady growth throughout the coming years, though as any economist would point out there will be low points but rebound is always attainable. So the company now decides that it needs to grow some more and move into a nicer building and starts to acquire other small companies to outsource some work to. But you know, just the work that none of the now valued employees who have been there working hard since the beginning want to do.

After many a successful year, the company then closes its doors for good, proud of the success they had and the jobs they did. But they don't just leave everything empty, by now they have acquired many a small companies that will in time grow and merge with other companies and continue the legacy started with just two small companies.

Kindest regards, your co-ceo,

Laura D. Barton-Eady

Celebrity Crushes

*updated with the ages of each celebrity, after seeing some of the ages I am starting to think K-Bot is right in saying that I have a problem.*

So we all have them, so who are mine? Well ladies and gentlemen I am sure you will be surprised. Most girls my age (or most girls) are currently into the whole Edward and Jacob thing which is HIGHLY overrated. Do these people realize that they are in love with characters? I mean I doubt Robert Pattinson (spelled it right, right? I don't care) is really like Edward, you know piggy backing you and climbing trees and creepily watching you while you sleep.... So I am married and I am sure most of you have had the pleasure of meeting K-Bot so you know by now I have odd tastes. So here is my list:

Alec Baldwin (52). He is HOT, something to be said about the grey in his hair. I swoon when I watch 30 Rock. And by swoon I mean I tell K-Bot all the things I would do to Alec and the things I would imagine he would do to me. I have also told him that he may have to raise Alec Baldwin's love child after my trip to New York, which I have already planned on meeting Alec while there.

William Shatner (79). No not young Star Trek William Shatner, but current grey William Shatner. Many a times has he come to my bed in dreams, in which I quite enjoy the talks we have while cuddling.....K-Bot thinks I need help with this. He said it isn't right that I have these dreams and enjoy them.

Robert Downey Jr. (45).Face it as you read Robert you were totally thinking Pattinson, well you are wrong. Who cares about his drug past, kinda makes him and old bad boy. I have many an Iron Man joke for him which makes K-Bot sick when I share.

Matthew Grey Gubler (30). Thus far I have liked them older with some grey, but this one is just in the name. I also have a thing for long hair geekish looking guys. I don't care if he isn't as smart as his character on Criminal Minds he is hot and that hair, LOVE IT!

Jackson Rathbone (25). Finally someone age appropriate! K-Bot is happier with this one, though refers to him as Amanda as he played a man and woman on Criminal Minds. Once again it is the hair and geekish look that gets me here.

Michael Steger (29). Not much to explain here, kinda reminds me of K-Bot.

As for the whole Edward vs Jacob thing, I shall say this; I would love to say team Edward because in reading the book I felt more towards him than Jacob, but when it comes down to whom I would choose as a companion and procreative partner, I would in all reality probably choose Jacob. I say this based on I like K-Bot and he is more like Jacob than Edward. However I like neither so yeah no real point in picking sides, plus they AREN'T REAL!

Goose Egg

So if you are on my messenger list you know that my name on there is D - Kyle's Little Bumpy. I have never explained this, those who were present know the meaning but outside of that I doubt anyone knows the meaning. So let me explain.

When I was a kid I got lots of goose eggs (J-Potty was worse with a constant goose egg in the middle of her forehead and black eyes, we called her a unicorn) I got these goose eggs through learning experience. Mamaz would tell us not to play near the stairs and without fail one or both of us would always end up at the bottom crying. I wonder why it is we wouldn't learn our lesson the first time or the next million times, but all I can think is that with each fall the lesson would get bounced out of our brains. Sounds logical. So eventually I learned to go down the stairs all by myself and NOT on my head, I was now a big girl. The goose egg stage was over.

Well that's what I thought, but love has a way of making you a little clumsy. It was April 2005, K-Bot and I had been together for a year and a half. We were both in college (I was first year and K-Bot was second) and during a break from classes we went to liquidation world around the corner from school. This is where I found the perfect wedding dress.....6 months too early for a proposal and a year and a half too early for the wedding. So why even look? Well my friends it was a bargain, THE BARGAIN. Brand new brand name dress with original price tags (stating that it was over $400) on sale for $30. Yep $30 new. Seems the bridal store had closed down and liquidation world got the gowns and were selling them at a steal of a price. I quickly grabbed the perfect dress ran to the change room and put it on. K-Bot had to step in to finish the zipper, to which there was a small fight about seeing a bride in a wedding dress but that wasn't a very good argument as I was not a bride and he was not a groom. It was a little small, but being a girl and knowing a deal I bought it thinking I could loose weight, I was in the process of loosing it already (when I met K-Bot I was 140 and had quickly started to loose weight, by our wedding 3 years later I was between 90 and 100). So they gave me a nice box to fold my dress in at the register and the rest of the day was spent thinking of a way to tell my parents what I had bought and what I was planning. When I got home I brought the box to my room with a bunch of school stuff, I had finally decided to put it on after dinner and just show them. So after dinner I went to my room and put the dress on. Mamaz and J-Potty were shocked but thought that the dress was pretty. It was too long for a short person like me so as I bent over to pick up the front of the dress I cracked my head off of the back of one of the dining room chairs. Within moments I had a dark red spot in the middle of my forehead and a nice size goose egg. Smooth. K-Bot laughed SO hard, kissed it better and said that I was now going to be his bumpy.

So why post this now? Well the other night I became his bumpy again. He was on the phone with his mother and I decided that I wanted to help make the salad while he lay on the couch. I pushed and pushed the top of the chopper, but alas I was not strong enough. I got it in my head if I jumped on it all quick like I would be able to do it. Well I probably could, had it not been at the end of the counter under the oven hood. I jumped and caught my head right on the corner of the hood. I clasped my hands over the now lump on my hair line and ran for a mirror (I was talking to myself so that I wouldn't think it was so bad), I had a VERY quick look, all the time remembering back to K-Bot's head injury at the trailer and how much blood comes from a cut head, and there was nothing but a big red lump. When he finished on the phone K-Bot asked about all the talking I was doing in the kitchen, to which I told him and he once again laughed. Luckily this lump has decided not to stay long, it is now down but VERY squishy.






So I don't have a very clear picture of me wearing the dress but here is J-Potty with my wedding stuff. I am sure had her fingers not been so big she would be wearing my rings as well....

Makeover!!!

Ok so while down in Niagara for the week not only was I sick (still am, is 2 weeks too long to stay sick???) but I also had to go to the dentist. If you follow me you know that nothing ever goes well for me while visiting the dentist. This time was yet another experience for me....one that left me laughing though so not as bad as previous visits.

So to start off I had a morning appointment for a filling, which I was feeling even sicker needing to go to. Filling = Needle and Needle = Nervousness and later a drugged up Laura. So I go, feeling like I might puke on whoever touches my mouth first, the dentist comes in looks and says it is now 2 cavities. WHAT?!?!?!? How in the world does that happen? Oh well same tooth so not too big of deal. Then comes the mother of all questions, "Do you want a needle or no?". I have a choice?!? I asked if it would hurt and she said that it wouldn't since it wasn't near the root, so I said no. That's right folks, I said no to drugs. I get my filling and skip out of there proclaiming to be even more amazing than I thought and wanting praise for being a big girl.

While there I had asked about having a cap put on my one tooth that didn't descend all the way. This was inspired by Mamaz and J-Potty having caps put on some of their teeth. I asked and was told to come back for a 4 o'clock appointment. Huzzah, I always seem to end up at the dentist same day. I figure I got 1 good appointment I want to run with that, not come back to see what crazy bad things fate has in store for me. So I go back at 4 and sit in the same chair, the dentist walks in and after some jokes about not seeing each other in forever she gets to work. Once again I am asked if I want the needle, and once again given the choice I say no (see I am a poster child for say no to drugs). As the chair is going back the dentist proclaims I am going to get a makeover....I felt so sick! She explains what is going to happen and starts. She started by cutting down my one front tooth I have left that is real, I was sad to see the ridges go (I use them as my comfort when I am nervous, either using them to bite my lip or running my thumb nail across them much to K-Bots distaste). Then she starts the cap for my tooth. As she is cleaning out the area with water she sprays it all over my face! She quickly goes to clean up, but not what you are thinking. Kleenex seems so wasteful in this instance that she uses the blower for your mouth to dry my face, thus causing all the water to blow into my eyes. She apologizes and I say not a problem and she goes back to work. I lay thinking what else could happen, this seems like a hidden camera show. Well I didn't have to wait long for my next makeover accident. As she is smoothing out the cap a piece breaks off and flies into my eye. She didn't notice, and I just lay there now determined to keep my eyes closed as this seems to be hazardous. I was happy that it ended without anymore accidents.

In the end I look so much better, if I do say so myself. I still have the sight in both eyes, I seen the eye doctor yesterday and he said they are perfectly healthy. The best upside? Since my teeth all align now, I can devour my chicken wings better. And really what more could I have asked for in a makeover, also I will never play makeover again I PROMISE! (at least without eye protection!)

For those counting this makes 3 and a half fake teeth for me! Old age here I come!

Niagara Falls Tourism

So as most of you know I am originally from Niagara Falls. I have noticed friends like to vacation there, to me I don't know why as there isn't anything that great there, but while vacationing there they seem to stay in the tourist district. There are 2 things wrong with that; first the price, things are cheaper in Niagara I promise just get out of the tourist area. Second is that there is so much more to do and experience while not sitting in some over priced attraction that while it is neat and all it has been done far too many times. So I decided to make a list of things residents do or see (or in other words school trips!).

Lets start with History. Niagara is FULL of history, we have a war and everything people! The war of 1812, look it up! So that being said here is some history sites:
Brock's Monument - Located in Queenston Heights Park (more on that later), this is a tower of sorts that you are able to climb up (stairs located inside, no need to King Kong that tower!) and from the top you are able to get a view of the Niagara River and surrounding area. This is open May-Labour Day 10am till 5pm.
Laura Secord House - If you know the war of 1812 you know Laura Secord, if not then stop by for a guided tour and some information on a very brave and clearly in shape woman. Open May - Labour Day 11am till 5pm. Admission applies.
Mackenzie Printery - home of rebel printer William Lyon Mackenzie contains 500 years of printing technology. Open May - Labour Day 11am till 4pm. Admission applies.
Fort George - See a fort where the British stayed while fighting the Americans. Open May - October 31 10am till 5pm. Join in after dark for the Fort George Ghost Tours, running May/June Sundays at 8:30pm, July/August Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays at 8:30pm, and September Sundays at 7:30. Admission applies.

Free sites and activities:
Queenston Heights Park - this is a really great place to have a picnic in the summer. Lots of green grass space for playing and eating, pavilions available for those who don't want to sit in the sun all day. Splash pad for kids to play in, some playground equipment as well. An added bonus this park is on one end of the Bruce Trail. This is a great hiking/walking path than leads across St Davids and through to Fireman's Park. This trail is located along the escarpment so you can get some beautiful outlooks of the Niagara area.
Fireworks over the Falls - Ok so this is in the tourist district, but come on you aren't going all that way to NOT see the Falls. No matter how dangerous and boring I may find water falling hundreds of feet to the ground powerful enough to create hydro electric power, you will want to see this. These fireworks are every Friday and Sunday at 10pm starting May 21st, and every Wednesday in July and August.
Hike the Gorge - So you see the Falls, you see it every time but you want something different and a little more close. So my friends head on down the parkway to northern Niagara Falls where you will find a hike path that leads to the stone beach of the whirlpool. This trail is a few hundred stairs (300 and some ought, I counted once), it can be slippery so wear the proper shoes and try to stick to the path as much as possible. This is safe for your kids as long as they listen and understand the danger, I walked it once with a 5 year old cousin just fine. This is not a swimming area, but did I have to tell you that? I mean it is the whirlpool. Also I will not lie those who jump the Falls often times end up here, so maybe scout the waterfront for bodies before letting your kids see the wonders of the whirlpool.
Happy Rolph's - Ask anyone who is from the Niagara Region where they went in the summer and you will hear Happy Rolph's. This is a bird sanctuary and petting zoo. There is hand sanitizer and wash stations near most every animal. There is a park to bring food for a picnic lunch and some playground equipment. In the back of the petting zoo is the 9/11 Memorial Hike Trail that overlooks Lake Ontario. This is located in Saint Catherines. Open May - October 10am till dusk.
Living Water Wayside Chapel - Take a scenic drive or walk down the Niagara Parkway and stop at this chapel, known as the Little White Chapel to residents. This is the perfect place to rest on a walk or to stop and get some cute pictures of the kids in a pint sized chapel.
St John's Conservation Area - Located in Pelham this conservation site has a hiking trail as well as a Rainbow Trout pond. In the summer you can fish the pond, however it is catch and release so no worries about what to do with these fish on vacation. Open April - September 8am till 8pm.

Cheap Attractions:
Port Dalhousie Lakeside Park Carousel - this historic carousel is a MUST on any residents list every summer. Located off a Lake Ontario beach, yes you can swim at this beach, sits this beautiful and inexpensive carousel. Rides will put you back 5cents a person. Open June 8 - September 7 10am till 9pm.
Pick Your Own - Niagara on the Lake is known for its fresh fruits so why not head into the country and find some pick your own farms.

Where to eat:
Basell's Restaurant and Tavern - located just out of the tourist district in downtown Niagara Falls, this small restaurant may not look like much from the sidewalk but what it lacks in style it makes up for in the serving to price ratio. This is an inexpensive place to eat and actually get full. Portion sizes are perfect for the hungry traveller tired of high priced low portioned tourist food.
Somebuddy's - if you love chicken wings, these are the best in town. They serve a variety of "bar food" (IE burgers, pizza, sandwiches, etc). May I suggest an order of medium won tons to go with your meal?
Avondale Dairy Bar - ok so you probably want a meal, but it is summer and this is no time for diets so a must is a trip to the dairy farm (with cows to look at and all!) for some FRESH AND REAL ice cream. Located in Niagara On The Lake, open March 13.

Americas:
Aquarium of Niagara - located in Niagara Falls New York this small aquarium is full of fun, sea creatures, and just a sprinkle of learning! Open year round 9am till 5pm. Free parking, admission applies.

Where to stay:
So as I said earlier the tourist district is expensive and well lets face it money isn't as plentiful as previous years so where can you stay for less? Try Lundy's Lane. This street has plenty of hotels ranging from cheap and creepy (IE near the strip clubs) to middle class (Best Western Carin Croft). You are within minutes of the tourist district still but in the city enough to have eateries that are close and cheap.

Winter:
So you don't want to take a summer trip? You want to see Niagara in the winter? Good choice, there are less tourist to crowd the areas and such beautiful and breath taking sites. Here are some thoughts:
Falls - the mist that comes off the Falls in the winter freezes on the trees and make the most beautiful icing on trees. Bring a camera or you will kick yourself.
Festival of Lights - a free light display that runs down the Niagara Parks and Dufferin Islands area. Features Disney lights for kids and some plain old pretty scene lights. Starts in November and runs till January.
Rockin New Years Party - free concert in Victoria Park across from the Falls. Bands are usually decent, but what is spectacular are the countdown Skylon Tower Bug and the Midnight Fireworks display.
Fireman's Park - this park located in the city has great hills for sledding once they have snow.