The Relationship That Almost Wasn't

So back in October of '03 K-Bot and I had just started to hang out, which was pretty cool for me because he was a SUPER COOL guy. We hung out for the first time the weekend of General Conference and really got along, it helped that he thought I was awesome and funny, which I am. So we hung out every weekend after that, even if I had to hang out at Sugar Plum because he was working. We were just really good friends, we were inseparable. So it wasn't long before the whole ward was a buzz with the gossip of me dumping my then boyfriend and spending all this time with K-Bot. We denied and denied but no one ever got the hint that we weren't together. I had broken up with my boyfriend because I was no longer happy and he didn't have a girlfriend because his last relationship was a bad one. Just two people swearing off dating and instead hanging out as friends. How come when women do this they aren't said to be in a relationship but if a guy and girl do it they are?

So while this is all going on J-Potty and I had been staying at our Grandparents on weekends as our parents would go away and we would stay back to get home work done. Every night we would tune into 98.1 and listen to Delilah, she had such a good going to sleep voice and always played bedtime songs. So J-Potty asks me out right if I am dating K-Bot and I said no, it was really bothering me that everyone was saying I was but I swore I wasn't. Things got quiet and out of no where a commercial comes on and says "are you in romantic denial", well that did it, serious conversation to loud outburst of laughter. J-Potty said I was in romantic denial. That was a Saturday night, Sunday we faced more gossip about dating, once again denying it. But that commercial stayed in the back of my head, J-Potty telling me I was in romantic denial. That was enough to push me over the edge. After much thought, and even a pro and con list (which I still have in our scrapbook) I called up K-Bot and said I wanted to be his girlfriend because I felt something for him. Luckily he had somehow at that same time also decided this and I was not left out to dry all humiliated.

So thanks to J-Potty and a conveniently placed radio commercial K-Bot and I have been happily together for 6 years 8 months and 20 days. And you thought that the conveniently placed commercials only happend in the movies or on tv shows.

Fwd: Man Rules

So I received this forward at the beginning of June. I am not one to forward on stupid junk, but I thought that Mamaz, JPotty, and KBot would get a kick out of it so I sent it along.

Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down, finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Soon after KBot emailed me back saying all of it was true, especially the not being a mind reader part and just asking for what we want. This lead to a long email conversation with him saying that women should be upfront about something and say what it is they want. I was very quick to point out that sometimes women do and it is quickly pointed out that they have many similar traits to a female dog (I have never really understood that whole swear at all, I mean how is a female dog like a mean woman?). KBot said he understood but that asking for what you want and being upfront didn’t mean you would always get what you want so you would therefore have nothing in common with a female dog. So we agreed to experiment with how he would react if I was forward with him all the time and told him exactly what I would like of him.

I wish I would have started this as soon as we got married, but I was still in that whole mind set of “if I am too stern or forward he will not like me and therefore leave me” so I would hint and hint and if I was upset I would cover it up and always did what he wanted to do. That has lead to many regrets, like just after we got married I seen Muppets underwear at Walmart and brought him over and picked them up and said it would make a great birthday or Christmas gift, he agreed and we went our separate ways to shop for each other. I was SURE that I was going to get them, but I was very sad to see I didn’t get them Christmas morning. Now instead of saying something or just buying them myself I did nothing, assuming that maybe I didn’t deserve them. Recently I asked KBot about it, he said he had no idea that I had wanted them. So we went to every Walmart we passed by and they no longer sell Muppets underwear. I missed out on something I wanted because I was not being honest with my husband.

So as for how the experiment is going, well it isn’t an experiment anymore. It was really nice just being completely honest and saying what I want and not having to feel bad. I rarely fight with him anymore because there are no hidden sad feelings. And since I started being forward KBot appreciates it so much I usually get what I want, and for the things I don’t get I don’t feel as much need for them afterwards.

First Week Back to Markets

During markets things tend to get a little silly, I think it is the sleep deprivation. Sometimes during my silly K-Bot needs to put down some rules. These are the ones from this week:

~You cannot brush your teeth with chicken wings. You will never get it done as you would just end up eating it.
~You cannot have pulled pork or ribs for breakfast. No matter how saucy or delicious.
~Sharing your pulled pork means letting me have more than 2 bites (yes I did get my pulled pork at the appropriate time of as soon as it started raining and I had nothing else to do, I think it was 10am).
~You cannot add pickles to pulled pork, that does not seem right. That was ok with me as I didn't have pickles, but it would have tasted great if I did!
~You are limited to 1 pulled pork a day, even if you whine and cry about it.
~You cannot eat anymore cherries in case you poop the bed.

I hate the rules my husband imposes on me. Luckily the lady who sold me the pulled pork said she will serve me one every Saturday at 7 am. So take that space coyote.....I mean K-Bot!

Finding Meaning in Winnie The Pooh

When I am travelling (which I have done alot of this past month), I find it really hard to sleep in a different bed and dark scary place (I am afraid of the dark). So something that helps me sleep away from home is my ipod, I take it with me everywhere. I have a collection of over 6,000 songs, some movies, some tv shows, and several audio books. The thing that always helps me sleep, without fail is Peter Dennis's reading of Winnie the Pooh. It is perfect, soft British accent, soft outdoor back round sounds, and soft light flute music between books. I never get very far along, I think I may have once heard the third book! So what does this have to do with anything? Well I was listening to the introduction for the millionth time and some parts stood out for me and got me thinking.

"You can't be in London for long without going to the Zoo. There are some people who begin the Zoo at the beginning, called WAYIN, and walk as quickly as they can past every cage until they get to the one called WAYOUT, but the nicest people go straight to the animal they love the most, and stay there"

This made me start thinking about life, and how we can sometimes loose sight of things in life. How we can move along our lives quickly going from start to finish without ever stopping. And then there are some that know what they like and want and stay there awhile to enjoy their passions. I started to wonder what one I was, it has been awhile since I was at the zoo but the last time I went I was kind of the person who goes from start to finish but at the same time I also spent the whole day there and enjoyed each animal (my favorite was not at this particular zoo).

"I had written as far as this when Piglet looked up and said in his squeaky voice, "What about Me?" "My dear Piglet," I said, "the whole book is about you." "So it is about Pooh," he squeaked. You see what it is. He is jealous because he thinks Pooh is having a Grand Introduction all to himself. Pooh is the favourite, of course, there's no denying it, but Piglet comes in for a good many things which Pooh misses; because you can't take Pooh to school without everybody knowing it, but Piglet is so small that he slips into a pocket, where it is very comforting to feel him when you are not quite sure whether twice seven is twelve or twenty-two. Sometimes he slips out and has a good look in the ink-pot, and in this way he has got more education than Pooh, but Pooh doesn't mind. Some have brains, and some haven't, he says, and there it is. And now all the others are saying, "What about Us?" So perhaps the best thing to do is to stop writing Introductions and get on with the book."

I thought of friends with this paragraph. When we are kids we have lots of toys and each seemingly has a purpose and time to be our favorites. I thought about how these are our first friends, how we start making connections to different personalities and find use for different types of friends in these small make believe groups. We have friends that are our long time friends, that seemingly know us best and with whom we have many adventures and memories, our Winnie the Pooh friends. We have our friends that are school friends, they help us with homework or studying and make us feel better if we may not know the answer all the time, our Piglet friends. Then there is the rest, the nervous hard working Rabbit friends, the sad but true Eeyore friends, and our bouncing off the walls party have a good time Tigger friends.

I may take alot of grief over the fact that I read Winnie the Pooh (and yes I do have the books and I have read them, it isn't just that I listen to them) but I have always loved the stories of a little boy who loves his toys. They are my fall back books, if ever I can't choose what to read I start them again, and always enjoy them. I think that we can find so much in the pages of childhood books. They are the books we start with and learn from, I think that no matter how old we are we can still learn from these books. If you haven't had the chance to read these books, take some time now. Maybe use it as a family story time book. A A Milne always felt that his stories were not just intended for children.

What To Talk About In Bed

K-Bot and I have been together for 6 and a half years, and it seems we have run out of personal things to talk about. You can only talk about your work day so many times, after all it is the same thing day in and day out. So what is there for us to talk about? Well we always find something and it always entertains K-Bot. Here is a list of recent discussions:

~Quantum Tunneling - I explained this to K-Bot, though he is the one who studied it in school (he got to take physics) so he didn't get much out of it. I practiced it to no avail, again. Then discussed the likability that I would indeed pass through, more probable is the scenario of only my top layer of atoms being able to pass through his top layer of atoms resulting in becoming the only pair of non-sibling conjoined twins. I then worked over the equation of the possibility of that happening and said that the equation should also include Murphy's Law, as it could easily happen during a private moment in a place no twin should be conjoined. K-Bot enjoyed this theory.

~Deer Preservation - Should the Government regulate a feeding program through harsh winters to ensure survival of deer, or should Mother Nature be left to what she does best, or in other words survival of the fittest. Doesn't it go against the circle of life to interfere with nature in such a way to greatly change the eco system, and then what happens to the weak deer that are now dependant on man?

~Radioactivity - When you nuke a bug do you not worry or even consider the probability of a spider man scenario? It is not at all impossible for you to radiate a bug and then that bug to bite someone and make a super hero, the word you would use is improbable. So what is the likelihood of this, and what exactly would happen. Surely it is even less probable that the resulting super hero would be exactly like spider man, a radioactive spider doesn't know who it is biting. More than likely if you have the material to do this experiment you are either the Government or a bad person planning nothing good.

~Perfection - We will eventually be perfected right? Well then what exactly does that mean? Is there a standard to which we will be held? Currently it is pretty much supermodel/actress driven. If we were held to a perfection standard wouldn't that then take away our "usness"? I usually end this discussion with "I may not be perfect but God made me perfectly me. I currently don't know what this means", K-Bot smiles and shakes his head.

~Pinocchio - So Pinocchio says "my nose is going to grow", it has either 2 ways to then go. First, it doesn't grow, which means he lied, which then means it would grow, which is the truth so it wouldn't grow. Second it does grow, which is the truth so it wouldn't grow, but is a lie as he said it would, so then it would, but then that's the truth so it wouldn't grow.

~Star Wars - So K-Bot has an advanced diploma in photonics, the study of light, and we love science fiction so we watch Star Wars. We then discuss how the light sabre is either more advanced than current understanding of light or not at all a probable weapon. You see light doesn't end, it eventually grows dimmer the farther away you get yes but those light sabres are some what short. There is no way for the light to just end after maybe 3 or 4 feet (I really don't know the measurements of a light sabre). Plus should they hit one another they would simply pass through not make hitting noises. But all this can be summed up in, it wouldn't make a good movie if the theatrical effects weren't there.

~Newton - Why does he get the distinct honor of being the one who discovered gravity? Was it not here all along? That honor should go to the first person on Earth, Adam. K-Bot says he is important because he discovered the effects of gravity leading to the eventual knowledge that gravity is (I currently forget what K-Bot said, I was really tired by this point), however I am sure you don't need an equation to tell you about gravitational effect, I am sure at some point well before Newton some one had to have fallen and said "Crap that really hurt. I was up then went down and the Earth did nothing to catch me nicely. It seemed as though I sped up as I fell down".

~Gravity and the Need for Planes - I argued that we don't need planes, that all physics and the study of gravity ever did to help us get to a point to use planes was useless. A plane can easily be flowen anywhere and used as a weapon. However if we still had ships, I called it Titanic boats, then most of the world would be safe and all we would have to protect is the outward laying coasts, and that would be far simpler than an entire continent. K-Bot says that planes are a necessity. I had to argue the other direction as I have gone 23 years without needing one, he on the other hand has driven to California in a van with his family, he NEEDED a plane then.

As you see we speak mainly in the improbable vs. impossible. We both love science and so that ends up driving the conversation. Big discussion nights happen when we wind up watching the Discovery Channel.

To My Mamaz on Mother's Day

Dear Mamaz, it is once again mother’s day and I am once again forced to think of how thankful I am that you procreated with my father.

Well it was ott year and many a moon ago that you either were having a really good night and let slip your birth control regime or, and a lot less likely, you chose to procreate. None the less you got knocked up, way to be Mamaz, you have shamed your family. I also find myself thankful this time of year, that you didn’t take the very logical choice after taking a good hard look at your husband, my father, and abort my fetus butt. Great choice, it is working out very well for me. I feel if you would have taken that step you would have robbed the world of the pleasure of my existence.

I am sure you had plenty of chances to kill me, and many a good reason for such a heinous act, but for some crazy reason I was spared and that was awfully nice as well.

For this and the many important life lessons you have taught me, such as making poop on the toilet (which I practiced again tonight, see I DO practice something), and for coming in with a glass of water when I called because of nightmares (I didn’t even complain that it was always warm and I don’t like warm water, thus proving I am the best daughter ever) I am thankful. I know you didn’t choose me but I guess you took one look and said “When God hands you a lemon, you should make some lemonade” (though I would have preferred you making a lemon meringue pie).

From the daughter you didn’t kill/mame/choose, to my Mamaz who makes the best of everything, and allows me to just be me. I love you.
* As a disclaimer Mamaz probably didn't ever want to kill me but I was the first child and we all know that is the experiment child. I suppose she got a passing grade on this science experiment as she got a real baby, my baby sister J-Potty.

Hank's Retirement

When I was young, the first song I sung was "There's a Tear in My Beer", a classic duet between Hank Williams Sr & Jr. I loved that song, so much so that the tape that contained it was the only thing I would listen to in the car. We went to Marathon and back (13 hours each way) and that was the only tape I would allow to play. When I was 3 my Aunt Debbie bought me a Hank Williams Jr shirt. It was perfect. The Phoenix on the front that read Hank, and on the back, you guessed it, Hank Sr & Jr with "There's a Tear in My Beer" scrawled across. It was my favorite shirt, of course at the time it was a night shirt as it was an adult size small. Seems they don't make country shirts for kids back then, especially if they had beer written on them. I eventually grew into it and it was always a part of my wardrobe. My in-laws learned of my song after we got married, and I would wear my shirt and they would laugh. However it has been 20 years....and even the best of shirts are not to last that long. My mother in law noticed that it was starting to be a little see through (though I always wore a long sleeve shirt under it) and had MANY holes in it. She suggested that I get it framed, "so as to make it last longer". Longer than 20 years? I refused, I said it had a lot of life left in it. However after MUCH thought I decided it was time to hang up the old shirt and maybe get myself a new one. So I hunted down a frame, which I got 80% off at Michaels, and retired my Hank. A sad day, but a happy one. Now the shirt I have loved for 20 years will have a proud new spot on the wall for 20 more years of love. In case you are wondering about the tape, it still works. I listened to it everyday on the way to and from college, K-Bot learned to love it. I kept it in my car up until I retired the shirt and thought it only fitting they retire together. It is now sitting on my desk, beside another treasured possession my Geri Spice Girl doll, while I decide exactly what to do with it.

So far the hunt for the new concert shirt is unsuccessful. I am currently getting by on my Hanson shirt, sad so sad. I really need to go to a decent concert!

Now to see what K-Bot will allow me to do with the other several shirts I have had since I was a young kid. These include: yellow downtown Shining Tree, Caps Hunting and Fishing Store Field Staff, and a white Bancroft shirt with a big beaver on the front.

My Sister the Chef

So I have had the great fortune in the past few weeks to spend some time with my sister. Mamaz is always SO happy to see us come home, then we are there and she is SO happy we leave. So I am sure some of you are looking at the title and saying, "But you said she is a student/nurse". And to that I say yes she is, but this isn't about her time at the hospital, this is about when she comes home and cooks.

So she was home for reading week, and brought her boyfriend to meet the family (mainly Fajaz as the rest of us had spent time with him the weekend we spent in Belleville). Mamaz and I had some stuff we were busy with and J-Potty really wanted a cake for after dinner the one night so we let her be in charge of that, please note she is 21. We figured she would do it and there wouldn't be a problem. Well half an hour later we had half a cake and half a black smoking cake like thing. We couldn't believe it, well maybe it was just the distraction of a boyfriend!

So we are home again another weekend, this time no boyfriend and K-Bot joined in. We are starved for dinner because we were waiting for Fajaz to come home to eat, however Mamaz, after MUCH complaining, said to just go ahead and eat without him. So we decided on pizza, Mamaz had bought a bunch of frozen pizzas. So J-Potty decided she will cook it, we all agree. A while later she calls us up for the first pizza, already out and cut on a board. I was a little suspicious but was too hungry to ask questions. Well the bottom was burnt. Nice. Again. So I decided that she needed to hear me complain and quickly said she wouldn't let that happen to the second pizza. So she goes to get it out of the oven, she prefers not to use a tray apparently. She is now trying to get a pizza out of the oven on a carving fork. I tell her it won't work, she says it is how she got the first out. Ok fine I will watch. I watched. And it failed. I watched the pizza break in half and one half stay on the grills and the other fall into a mess at the bottom of the oven. J-Potty, K-Bot, and I say a big "OH NO", and Mamaz calls from the other room "What happened?". And being as we are all children and it is apparently the thing to say, we all reply in unison "Nothing!". So before Mamaz could come see what had happened, J-Potty scooped up the pizza and put it out on the cutting board. Mamaz still knew though, because the oven was hot so we couldn't wash it and the pizza had landed on the crack so some of the toppings ended up in the drawer.

J-Potty is no longer cooking unsupervised.

LDS Traveling Bookstore

So with my Cardston Bookshop flyer I got this coupon. It says to share with friends so I am. There is also a list of places they are visiting at the top. You are all SO WELCOME!

Friends

So I read an article from O magazine on friendship, and no I don't read that magazine the article was on cnn.com and I thought I would read it. This lady had moved to a new city far away from her previous home and had been living there for some time and began thinking that she needed some friends to hang out with, so she began her search. I really felt for this lady, I moved to Kitchener 3 and a half years ago and at first I had every intention of going home all the time and still being part of my old friends lives. But apparently I moved on and we could not be friends anymore, or at least that's how I see it as NONE of them talk to me anymore. So that only lasted so long, now Kitchener is home and I love being here, when I am in Niagara I long to be back here, HOME. So after being here this long I want friends here, girls to get together with and be able to chat with.

I have never been good at making friends, I had a sister that is pretty much the same age and Mamaz babysat 2 girls that were also pretty close to my age so I never needed to make friends as I had 3 built in friends. In elementary school it was easy, I went to a small school and knew everyone, childhood was easy. Middle school and high school were harder, seems I didn't have any friends, but J-Potty soon joined me in high school so I was able to rely on her to be my friend once again. However J-Potty cannot follow me every where, so I am here making new friends. Which I don't feel is going very well.

Sure on facebook I have a long list of friends, but most of those are family members or people I just know through meeting once or twice. So I decided to go out more when I am invited to things. I am invited so it seems someone wants my company, so that's a friend right? I have no clue. I feel so on the outside of things all the time. I go, and I have fun, but most of the time I just feel like I don't fit. I fit age wise and that's something, or at least I pretend I fit age wise, turns out I am very young, but age isn't so much an issue. I find that I never have anything to talk about in a group of women who all have kids. So I feel pretty alone in a group with that. But then there are the other things that get talked about that make me feel even that much more on the outside. Pets. Seems not only am I the youngest and the only one without a kid but I am also the only one with a pet. I get points of view, I do. I get that people love their kids, and I love kids, I assume I will have some someday. I get people don't like animals, that's cool nothing says you need to. But then sometimes it gets taken too far and I am left thinking "why did I bother coming? I could be at home where I wouldn't be hurt by any one's words".

But then maybe it is me, maybe I am more sensitive than I think or want to lead on. Maybe I haven't ever had friends and I don't know how this whole thing works. Maybe I should speak up when things aren't going well.

I will admit most of the time I feel included, I mean the invite is the first step, and someone usually talks to me while I am out and I usually am happy and the night is fun. But then some nights I find it not at all "cricket".